I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
