i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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