Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
