Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sorry my hands just texted you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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