never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
