I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize