once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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