I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
