Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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