wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
