Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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