Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
