some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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