do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
