My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
