Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
