Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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