guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
