Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
