And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
