I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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