you told grandpa to call you daddy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
