I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
