I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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