how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This baby is an asshole
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
