he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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