she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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