wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
