i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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