Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
