Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
