I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
