remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
