Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The air was thick with penises
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
