it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think my vagina is haunted
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
