I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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