We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
