I wish I could teleport
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
