i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
