Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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