anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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