You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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