is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
