I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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