I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
