I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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