ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
