Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
false alarm, still single
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
