You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My feet surprised me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
