4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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