So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
