At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
