I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
