You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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