Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
