I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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