Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
