just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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