u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Screwed.edu
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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