oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
