I wish i was in the wii world.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
