my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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