Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
