Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
