Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
