im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
