i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
