Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
