So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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