Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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