His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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