Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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