A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
